And he's 12...

12 years ago and he was born ~ it seems like a liftetime and only a moment in time too.  Its like I didn't know what life was like before him and now, I can't remember what my life was like without him.  Mike pointed out the other day that we've known about Jackson's autism since he was around 3.  That is 9 years, that is a long time too.  But, when I think about the 12 I can remember some things.  I remember when he didn't talk and could not communicate his needs and wants.  I remember he couldn't say Mommy or I love you, and now he can say that!  He can say it and feel it and I am so thankful each and every day that he can.  He was so excited to come into the kitchen this morning and see the decorations, he came right over to me and hugged me and thanked me.  It obiviously has become something that he expects on his birthday and something that he loves.  Twelve years.  That is longer than a lot of things.  Looking back I was afraid of what we were up against, and in some ways, I still am.  But the things I thought would never happen for him, like talking and communicating, having friends, riding a bike, drawing and expressing himself: he does all those things, and he does them well.  Now as my worries change I have to remind myself of the old worries and how I thought they'd never happen and then they did.  He can do anything, he is an amazing kid.  When you listen to his voice and look at his face when he is talking, you may notice some subtle differences from typical kids his age, but if you listen with your heart, like I do, you notice his love, kindness and compassion, his brilliance and details and his self assurance.  He will keep surprising me and putting my worries to rest.  He will always say I Love You and he will always feel it!