Does it ever end? On the way home, I have to drop off the Girl Scout check to a leaders house, one that just got done telling me on Sunday how she doesn't work, of course the house is HUGE!! Wondering why.... I come home to the newest version of the daunting IEP on the counter, thank god it is next to a note saying that Jackson had a good day, some saving grace. I call to make sure the owner of said mansion got the check in her mailbox. I would have brought it up to the front door but I thought I might cross over into another country the driveway was that long! She proceeds to talk my ear off, literally and I can't even get in the words "I have to pick up my daughter now" for a good 10 minutes, of stuff, not stuff I need to know by any means, just rambling! Finally I set off to get Riley, keeping my head down so as to not make eye contact with anyone in the hallway at pick up from ceramics. I've left my son at home, playing video games, where when I do finally get home, he has tallied up a good 2 hours! Yikes. I look up while waiting for Riley to see one of Jackson's teachers. She says "come here, let's talk" and that is all I need to allow the tears to flow. She reminds me that we shouldn't "chop" Jackson up, he his a whole person and reminds me too that he is a 6th grade boy and she has experience as that population's teacher so she should know. I don't have that reference so I tend to forget and think that all that my son is, he is alone~ forgetting that there are other 12 year old boys out there, maybe they do behave like him. I am thankful for the lessons and I get some reassurance that I should be cautious in what I am seeing on paper and from some teachers who may not get to spend a lot of time with him as well. I get the message, proceed with caution, just through the eye contact we make. It also says to me, "You know best but remember to look at the whole child!" I leave with my almost 11 year old daughter feeling a little bit better. Off to Dunkin Donuts not only because I need an iced coffee but I need to get "birthday breakfast" for Riley and a little something for J. too. The cashier can't manage my coupon so I expend some of my patience solely because I am too tired and I think I'm holding up the counter. She figures it out and off we go= smack dab into traffic. We make it home by 4:30 and like I said, my 12 year old has been playing Skylanders for 2 hours. When I send him upstairs to start his math homework, I sit down at the computer. Afraid to do anything but I start researching IEP goals involving emotional regulation, not the right time as I am immediately overwhelmed! Once back upstairs I find my son reading his super hero's book on the couch, and when I ask if he's finished his homework (because I've been on the computer for close to 30 minutes) he says "No, Mom, I was giving my eyes a rest before I started it." Really? I am shaking my head. Riley is making props for her Wax Museum project, cleaning barrettes and putting on millions of bracelets, she's quiet anyway and not bothering me. I manage to send an email about Riley's birthday party and enter all my slips into the Money program on the computer, see my money drain away, into nothing. I check email and FB. Back upstairs to start dinner, and I walk by J who says "Do you notice something different?" and I look down to find him naked on the kitchen chair doing his homework ~"I'm hot" he says. I can't even look at him and all I can say is "I can't do this anymore", I say it aloud and Jackson says "what can't you do?" and I don't answer. It is a lot to even think about answering that question. He manages to pull himself together and then asks me if I've had a bad day, "you must have Mom, is that why you are cranky, what happened today?" I still can't find the words so I just agree, yes, I'm cranky from a long day.
Open the fridge next to find something for dinner and there are bags and food on top of food and it is all very disorganized and it causes me to .....cry, yes cry. I open my fridge and cry. I'm at rock bottom right? Can it get any worse? I manage to pull together a "smorgasbord dinner" and the kids eat it, they are really into it. They even eat veggies and fruit. And then onto making lunches for tomorrow, it is J's field trip and R's birthday. Both lunches have to be good. Oh hell, that is right, I'm sitting at the computer down stairs thinking, "Did I leave something unattended upstairs?" Riley just yelled, the water has been boiling for a while now mom! That was it. Oh well, down to feed the cats and get J a paper bag for his lunch tomorrow. I see Mike's favorite red shirt hanging from the laundry chute and I pull, even though it doesn't give right away, I keep pulling, I'm so angry. There ~ I put a huge hole in it and go feed the cats, they love me but I look over and again like so many other times, they have no water. Deep breath and keep moving, it is the only way.
No comments:
Post a Comment