Where Mom is concerned...

who is right and who is wrong?  no one I guess.  the story i always hear, and have always heard,  is "you don't really understand because you live three hours away".  yes, we do live 3 hours away and it really has been for the last 11 years since we've had kids that their grandmother sees them when she comes here and when we go to NY.  my siblings live in NY and they live where she lives (well, 20 minutes away).  so, when they see her, its a visit and she goes back to her home again.  when we see her, it is at least an overnight, waking up with us, going to be with us and eating, sleeping, breathing us!  it is different yes.  and the relationship we've come to have and know is good, i'm good with it.  i guess i am really better than good with it, i'm great with it.  i don't pretend to understand what it is like to live just down the road from her and not see her.  because she doesn't show up for ball games, doesn't invite everyone to Sunday dinner like my grandparents always did, only shows up when she wants to or is convenient for her, or is spotted nearby and has not invited anyone to join her.  it would stink and i get that it would but it is what it is.  when do we say, that is that and move on?  why do we hold a grudge for something that will never be?  why do we mourn for what she wasn't or isn't ~be it a "hands on" grandparent or one that take grandchildren every weekend?  if we wanted that and didn't ask for it, i say we can't be waiting for it to just happen.  it won't.  embracing the way things are is something i wasn't ever very good at.  i am one of those people who always wanted more.  but now that i am older, i see that what we do have is good and we need to be good with things.  when should we say, i know this isn't ever going to change or be like i once (and maybe now still) envisioned for my life, but it is okay, i will be happy with the way that it is.  family is tricky and hard and it feels yucky sometimes, but we are lucky to have them and however they are is how they'll be.  i don't think they've tried to change me as i've become who i am, why change mom???